A day late, a dollar richer..is that how the saying goes?
Halfway through a month of Sexual Violence Awareness, Today’s [belated] reflection stems from a discussion I had with someone I simply can’t recall, a long number of years ago.
That is all I remember about the encounter except that it spurred my prayer to what follows:
God
I am a good girl
but I carry a sadness that
consumes me
melting my innards as I
strive for outer normalcy
perhaps mad would be better
I would explode the sadness into missiles and shards of
useless pottery
yes!
I will be madder than hell!
but God,
do good girls say hell?
I must say it, scream it like a banshee
God
because that is what my life has been
one nonstop visit to hell!
why and how could this be mine to bear?
I am a good girl.
[stopping this rant to breathe just for a moment, an odd sort of intimacy with you arises]
your presence is palpable
the touch of one who knows my horror filled sadness
I need you near me God.
I heard you descended into hell when you died
You walked death
you know betrayal
torture suffering pain hate are your labor pains
you gave over your power, allowing someone to abuse you and misuse their power
you died on that cross
raped by jealousy, fear, hatred
I have been nailed to a cross too
maybe it is time for me to arise with you
and to find new life
show me…
©Nancie Chmielewski updated 4/16/15
