I have been feeling a bit less than satisfied with my cosmetics as of late.

I love cosmetics–I used to dream about eye shadow colors (which is how I first realized I could dream in color!) Putting on my makeup is akin to doing an art project–sometimes it is the most creative I get to be all day.

Prior to age 40, I rarely wore foundation, much less powder, blush or primers. Lipstick and eye shadow were pretty much it.

Sometime in my forties, I tried serums–usually obtained through gift with purchase events at Estee Lauder counters.  We had four children to help through college–not much left over for fancy skin care regimes…

But I digress.

Turning 50 brought a bit more financial freedom as the children were now on their own.  My skin seemed to need a bit of a helping hand at about this same time. Very synchronous.

Small wrinkles, sun spots and the other little gifts of aging entered  my derm life in a huge way.

Back to the Estee Lauder counter I went–laden down over the past 9 years with serums, illuminators, BB creams, EE creams, lighteners, long wear everything…aughhh!

I have lovely skin–I inherited my paternal grandmothers skin, for which I am eternally grateful.  I want to protect it for health reasons (I have mild lupus issues)as well as vanity.

Just before Easter this Spring, I developed a very nasty stye.  Consequently, it came to birth just after a makeover at said cosmetic counter. I don’t know if it came as a result of the makeover, but it only stirred my pot of beauty unrest.

How much of my experimentation has really helped my derm concerns? Or has it hurt me? I have tried to delve a bit into the world of skin beautifying and here is what I have found:

• Name brand cosmetics cost a lot of money (duh–I know…)
• Drug store cosmetics generally frighten me and are not completely reliable (i.e. buy 4 lipsticks to get the right shade equals buy one department store brand and get to try it on first…)
• I wonder what exactly has been going into my pores? I am easily confused by the names of chemicals on the labels of my purchases.
• This is the straw that broke the peacocks back, however: I am 58 and proud of it. I do not need or want to resemble a 20-somthing year old woman.  I have been there, done that, paid the dues my friends!  I have earned the beauty I wear.  But when my go-to company, my Garden of Eden of beauty, Estee Lauder, hired on a very young celeb with ties to lives completely unrelateable for me, I began to question the beauty industry with a more dogged intensity.  Where are the gorgeous 50 and 60 something models?  Not the airbrushed versions, but the women who glow from within yet still desire a little extra puff of shimmer? Color? Highlight? I ache to see the real people who just want to have some fun with the great art project we call ourselves!

As I stated at the start of this reflection, I like wearing cosmetics! That said, I have been claiming Fridays as my just a dash of, or lipstick only makeup days, just to allow my skin to breathe a bit. I still don’t want the sun spots or overt redness to win the day. I simply don’t want to give up ME, or harm myself in the process of painting the feathers.

I am now on the hunt for eco friendly, organic, fair trade and mid range priced cosmetics and skin care.

Next week: I’ll let you know what I have been playing with…

in the meantime, if you have ideas about this, do share!