Spiritual Ruminations: not today…

I really wanted to write a post about my Autumn wardrobe wish list—you know, colors and textures; lipstick, shoes…

But I just can’t do that today.

I struggled sleeping last night. When I crawled into the parish this morning, I learned that several other of my compadres slept fitfully as well. We laughed it off, blaming the midnight jitters on the upcoming total eclipse. But I know better.

At the risk of sounding like the grim reaper, I need to say that we are in a dark and bleak place.

Each hour, each day more horrors of our government actions (or inactions) are exposed. Meanwhile, the dreams I do slip into consist of me going in circles and getting stuck in basement areas with low ceilings and pipes everywhere. (have at it, Sigmund…)

I am clinging to every bit of faith and strength and hope I have been given, grown in and harvested. I am struggling to understand what the hell is going on and why it is allowed to occur.

And yet, I feel empowered at the very same time I wax hopeless.

We are the Body

We are a global people. We have come so far in human and civil rights. Intelligence and compassion continue to expand our consciousness. Yet, there are people who would see those advances as threats. They are doing what they can to tear it down.

Remember the story of the Goths, the Visigoths, the Huns? They broke down the Roman civilization 2000 years ago.

I have wondered, often, in these last months if we are on the brink of another Dark Age.

Riane Eisler—in her groundbreaking book, The Chalice and the Blade—outlines and highlights many points in history when bleak and civil-less movements arise in response to equality and freedom (especially for women).

The tough questions

I need to ask myself the tough questions:

  • Why is it that a segment of the white male population feels the great need to hate
  • How has my own lifestyle been complicit in allowing this vulgar outburst of appalling behavior and attitude to even be?

There are no easy answers, but instead, a challenge. It is time for a self examin of my own insecurities and a recall of times when my power—or perception there of—has seemingly been threatened.

This is not easy work. It requires a willingness to dig deep into my psyche and confront the racism that lurks there. I must dialogue with these demons and strive to release them. I must.

This hard work is required of all or we cannot dare to stand up to those blatant and overt in their hatred of the other.

I’d really rather post pics of a gorgeous textile, or wax poetically about my favorite brand of eyeshadow.

But not today.

Today, I dig deep. I confront. I pray.






Posted by

I am a fabric artist and a professional minister in the Catholic Church. I am married for 40+ years to a most fabulous man. We have 4 adult children, 2 daughter-in-laws ( who we also consider to our children!) and 4 grandbabies. I love to weave, paint silk, sew and design garments for myself; bead, read, write and color. I am also a spiritual Companion/Director and have a special place in my soul for women who are healing and in need of healing from trauma and abuse. I love coffee, quiet reflective prayer time at my kitchen table and long walks to breathe in the Holy Spirit. I would like to learn how to spin yarn and will someday create a spun, hand dyed/painted, beaded, woven fabulous garment of peace!

5 thoughts on “Spiritual Ruminations: not today…

  1. Dear Nancie, you are not alone. I’m encouraged by the way you try to find your own learning in all of this. You set a fine example to us all as we struggle to understand. Tis torment and collapse of values we hold dear can’t be for nothing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s