Ruminations: Reveries, Realities and Realizations

I set out for a walk this morning to enjoy a bit of coffee. The sun shone brilliantly and the air spoke a word of humidity as I chugged along my path. The birdsong and the scent of flowers and greenery sent me back to my childhood. I smiled as I joyfully recalled being a kid, finding it too hot and yet delighted to be in the moment.

I challenge myself everyday to do just that—be in the moment. At the same time, I mentally crank out to-do lists and projects and challenges. For instance, I’ve written some variation of this blog in my mind for several weeks and then fail to bring it to the screen. Then I go on to ponder and fret about family and future life. I am awoken from this mental gymnastic as a bird sings its love song and I am brought back to the moment.

In these reveries I have realized and accepted certain realities:

  • My children are all adults, living adult lives and making adult decisions. I have little or no sway or say in these choices anymore. This is a freeing realization, yet, my fear is that they will not want my engagement and I will turn into the potted plant in the corner. I don’t think this is true, but from time to time, this fear raises its voice and disturbs my inner peace. I am trying to dialogue with this weird thought and allow it to remind me to be more loving and attentive with my Mom and Mom-in-law as they age.
  • My husband and I will be celebrating 40 years of marriage in about a month. Tom is an incredible person and I am blessed among women to share this life with him. We have so much joy in the simple and the daily. I need to stop myself as I realize that a day will come when we will be parted by death. I attempt to dialogue with this voice as I observe my elderly parishioners who have become widows/widowers and who deal with the nasties of aging—physical despair and failing minds. I take these folks and their lives to heart as I strive to cherish every moment of relative health and freedom as Tom and I age together.
  • Tom “graduated” from a forty-year teaching/campus ministry career this June. We have been ritually honoring and celebrating this new place in life in a great many ways. While he continues to work full time for the family auto repair business and will not cut back for a few years, this move definitely makes changes for us and brings the future of our aging into a new focus. I dialogue with this realization that I am in my sixties, I am looking more that age range, and my body is starting to slow a bit. I try to look ahead to imagine a decade or two of travel, simple pleasures around town, time with children and grands, and lots of time for creativity. The voice that sneaks into that dialogue likes to shake my joy with thoughts of health gone bad, or finances that allow little leisure. I stay with these thoughts and voices and then urge myself back into the present moment to keep my head in the game, and appreciate this time to plan and prepare.

I suppose that I am not unlike many in my generation in exploring these new reveries, realities and realizations. I do hope to let them into my space, continue to dialogue with them, grow through these mental discussions, and continue to live with joy and integrity. How about you? What life realizations are you experiencing, whatever your age and station may be?

Next month…some Fall feathering thoughts!

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I am a fabric artist and a professional minister in the Catholic Church. I am married for 40+ years to a most fabulous man. We have 4 adult children, 2 daughter-in-laws ( who we also consider to our children!) and 4 grandbabies. I love to weave, paint silk, sew and design garments for myself; bead, read, write and color. I am also a spiritual Companion/Director and have a special place in my soul for women who are healing and in need of healing from trauma and abuse. I love coffee, quiet reflective prayer time at my kitchen table and long walks to breathe in the Holy Spirit. I would like to learn how to spin yarn and will someday create a spun, hand dyed/painted, beaded, woven fabulous garment of peace!

8 thoughts on “Ruminations: Reveries, Realities and Realizations

  1. Wonderful ruminations, Nancie ❤️ As a family gathers for a memorial service, I ponder the reality of our Sister Bodily Death… also the reality of my Dad’s journey with Dementia and my own health issues… this was very helpful for me as I approach my last year in the fifth decade…

  2. I’m in a similar situation to you; these reveries, (especially that little voice) are all too familiar! Thanks for the reminder to live in the moment.

  3. Your post got me thinking. My kids are grown and gone also. Hubby and I have been married 36 years. Our kids aren’t married yet, nor do we have grandchildren. I also struggle to stay in the moment. So many things on the Do list, so much to think about. Today I missed my daily walk outside–which keeps me in the moment. I have a feeling life will get more busy when the grands come along, and I need to enjoy life now. We never know what’s around the corner.

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