I have spent a good deal of time this week discussing and wondering about prayer. It has been rather synchronous as the topic arose with unrelated people in non-related settings. This phenomenon spoke strongly to me of God’s nudge.
I realize I am a minister and so it should not be unusual to talk with others about prayer, right? True, but the conversation began within me and then moved to a spiritual direction session. After that, the topic arose with other individuals and then flowered from there.
The root, however, was in my spirit. As I sat down to breakfast at the beginning of the week, prepared to read the scripture of the day and pray, I found myself at a loss. I felt I was standing at a juncture of sorts in which I could go backwards to how I prayed at a younger point of life, I could remain where I’ve been or I could travel down a new path.
Going back is not an option. Not for anything in my life. Staying where I am is only frustrating. Going down a new path is where wisdom was encouraging me.
What is wrong with where I am? I have been wrestling with what to call God. The names and terms I’ve used and learned are insufficient. I am at a loss for calling on the Divine. That says something and I was finally at a point in which I could listen for that wisdom. Fortunately, I had an appointment with my spiritual director for later that day. We spoke about this movement as growth, as ripening, as a place of new happening. As I discussed this idea further, the correctness of this assertation solidified within me. Also, my director spoke of the ability to trust God, not needing to plead, or put forth a constant stream of chatter. I can simply be at rest with the knowledge that God is here. A thank you, a call for guidance, or an expression of awe is enough. It feels akin to being married a long time—we not only complete each other’s sentences, we are able to just be together and trust in that companionship and love.
Even as I write this reflection, I find that metaphor to be fitting. Not whole by any means, but appropriate and a jumping off point. Prayer in my 60’s is in flux. I can be okay with that, and in fact, I find it rather exciting!
How about you? Do you pray? What shape does that prayer hold? Is it changing for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts.