Ruminations: Percolating…

I have written this post in my head almost every day since Mid-March. It continues to percolate anew. Yet, my energy fades before I have the luxury of sitting with the proverbial pen in hand.

Today is different. I finished up my work for the week, took a walk, and said to myself, “Self, it’s time. The coffee has percolated long enough.”

So here I am. In week 8 or so of safer at home. What have I learned thus far?

  • Zoom and all its sisters and brothers give one an interesting opportunity to see oneself as others do, literally. While that sounds highly narcissistic, it really is not meant as such. I find it humbling and that is okay.
  • Routines are good for helping to keep some sense of normal. The structure helps me feel connected to life as I have known it. The structure also helps me to see what I need to let go of in my day to day movement in the world.
  • Working from home daily has offered me a chance for a slower pace, and more rest. This is healthy.
  • I have savored the outdoor experience of a daily walk. Each day I am blessed by the blooming trees and flowers, the greenness of life around me, and the incredible beauty of the birdsong.
  • Who doesn’t love to go to church in their Pajamas? Just sayin’…

Not only have I learned things about myself, I have gained much:

  • A deeper sharing with my children
  • More time face to face—even though it is virtual—with my grands
  • Dinner every evening, at the kitchen table, with my Tom
  • A deeper appreciation for the faith community I shepherd
  • A greater love for my co-workers
  • A longing for face to face experiences in real time with just about anyone
  • An indebtedness for the people I usually take for granted—grocery workers, delivery people, sanitation and cleaning industry workers, farmers, and health care employees  
  • Increased compassion
  • A stronger understanding of how interconnected we are
  • A scary realization of my own fragility and vulnerability, and of all on planet Earth

There are days that I think I may come unglued as the frightening realities of the ramifications of CoVID19 take over my thinking and reasoning. There are hours when I wonder if I will ever again be in the pastoring routine I have known and enjoyed. I experience moments when I fear I will never be in the same room as the ones I love so very much, and that I might never be able to hold and hug them again.

I seriously wonder if I have the courage and strength to forge the new path left in the wake of this pandemic. Five minutes later, I want to run down that new path with wild abandon.

And then there is the abundance of knotted thinking in which I cannot grasp the reality of any of the suffering and death happening throughout this world, and wondering if I am living inside a giant bubble. That is, until I actually need to venture out. I don my mask and gloves, wondering what I’ve touched, and who has touched it before me. The self doubt grabs me–did I just contact that virus? And who did I share it with?

In my better moments, I can set all of this fear and terror aside, breathe, and reflect on the potential for change. This is the cup of coffee I most desire to drink and the one I hope is of the richest grounds to brew and percolate.

And that is fodder for another day’s writing.

Until then, may God bless you and may you be healthy and safe.

Posted by

I am a fabric artist and a professional minister in the Catholic Church. I am married for 40+ years to a most fabulous man. We have 4 adult children, 2 daughter-in-laws ( who we also consider to our children!) and 4 grandbabies. I love to weave, paint silk, sew and design garments for myself; bead, read, write and color. I am also a spiritual Companion/Director and have a special place in my soul for women who are healing and in need of healing from trauma and abuse. I love coffee, quiet reflective prayer time at my kitchen table and long walks to breathe in the Holy Spirit. I would like to learn how to spin yarn and will someday create a spun, hand dyed/painted, beaded, woven fabulous garment of peace!

5 thoughts on “Ruminations: Percolating…

  1. Nancie, I think it takes a bit of time and perspective to percolate our thoughts properly and glean a thread or two of insight from this season of lockdown. I’ve written stuff I will probably never publish on the blog, but it helps to let the feelings out and work out a different way of being. Yes, even for a stay at home old hand like me whose lifestyle hasn’t changed drastically! 😉 Although it still feels strange and most days are tinged with varying levels of anxiety. I’m collating a collection of lockdown poems as well as expressing myself with some wild writing from the heart. What helps most is seeking to maintain an attitude of gratitude and deliberately looking for the hidden blessings in each day. Thank you for sharing how life is for you. May God give you grace to adapt and adjust to each stage of this new normality and fill you with His peace. Blessings and love. xo 💜

  2. Nancie- As with all change it moves in stages. I think hope and pray we will move back to normal in stages. Normal is good and predictability and stability will be healing too.

  3. Loved this post. It is indeed a time for contemplation. I desperately want to see people but I don’t want things to return to as before. My son keeps noting on our walks how much cleaner the air smells and how blue the sky is. There is a lot more bird and animal activity. I hope we can use this to pivot to a more lovely world for everyone. Stay safe! Xx

  4. Nancie, I have had similar feelings as you. I was in a state of shock for a long time after the pandemic began. I still have anxiety and can only sleep with the help of melatonin. I especially relate to your feelings of missing being with your loved ones. Zoom is certainly better than nothing, and we are lucky to live in an age where we have this technology, but I still long for a hug! Which isn’t going to happen anytime soon. I will echo your final thought back to you as well, “May God bless you and may you be healthy and safe.”

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