Spiritual Ruminations…looking back

Funny, but I imagined that I would have written non stop in 2020. Truth—my spirit was in so much pain that I rarely had the courage to open this blog and pour out my heart. We were all in so much pain, it seemed cruel to add mine to the pot.  I also found myself at a loss to add some genuine joy when I felt very little personal joy.

The word for 2020 became, survive.

And apparently, I did.

But as I look back, there were some high points. I share these in no particular order, rhyme or reason:

  • I tested negative on a Covid exposure
  • I became quite adept at filming prayer and reflections
  • I had some turquoise color added to my gray
  • I had some burgundy tones added to my gray
  • I decided to have a head full of lavender intertwined with my gray this coming Spring
  • I discovered I hate sewing masks. This is only second to how much I dislike wearing them, even though I don them religiously. This said, I do like the cowl versions, and, living in Wisconsin, they are rather nice in cold weather…
  • I rather enjoy working from home
  • I miss my co-workers very much
  • I haven’t hugged 3 of my 4 children in a year…this is absolutely heart wrenching
  • I have rediscovered how much I enjoy sewing and have made 2 skirts, a coat, a dress, a lace shirt; have 2 dresses cut out and ready to go; have made a wardrobe of Barbie clothes for the grand girls; have made other grandchild gifts; have made 13 cowl masks and about 20 tie/elastic masks.  In doing so, my sweet New Home machine (35 years old) decided to go south, causing me to take it in for repairs. Repairs cannot even be imagined until March 2021. I bought a Bernette—a long desired dream come true!
  • I am finding the courage to get back to weaving after last Christmas’ debacle…
  • I have discovered the joy of family zooms with the kiddoes on a weekly basis
  • Tom and I are eating together every night, mostly at the kitchen table, and have resumed meal prayer. This is a true gift!
  • I am feeling the retirement bug stirring…it will be two and a half years yet, but I will be ready when the time comes.
  • Tom and I filmed weekly “Gramps does Gardening” videos for the grands and our children. He is a natural!
  • I walked a lot and met people in the neighborhood I never knew were here
  • I began doing yoga via an app. It literally stretches me as I did not know how weak and off balance I had become
  • I have rediscovered daily journaling and creating mini drawings in my journals
  • I have less patience for the ridiculous, the hurtful, the ignorance that so many seem to rally behind
  • I am heartened that the idea of finding our souls is an priority for many
  • I have watched more Law and Order reruns than I ever thought possible…and am just fine with this

As I look at this list, I see that it is small and simple that is important.

It is relationship that rules my heart.

It is deep prayer and spiritual growth that is grounding me.

I take these gifts into 2021. I have no profound goals but to keep compassion in my heart and before me. As much as I desire to lose 10 pounds, walk 10000 steps daily, read a book a week…it will be what it will be. I have learned that, as trivial as it sounds, life turns on a dime. I do hope to get vaccinated by June, but who knows what will be available and when it will be possible to do so. In the meantime, as a pastor, I am a moving target, donning my mask, aching to hug my parishioners but resisting it out of love; as a mom and granny, wanting nothing more than to physically be with my children and grands, holding them and laughing and crying together in person. I am grateful for my Tom, for the goodness we have together and that we can help each other remain sane.

I will attempt to post more regularly, but hey, its life in a pandemic….

Blessings in this new year.

Posted by

I am a fabric artist and a professional minister in the Catholic Church. I am married for 40+ years to a most fabulous man. We have 4 adult children, 2 daughter-in-laws ( who we also consider to our children!) and 4 grandbabies. I love to weave, paint silk, sew and design garments for myself; bead, read, write and color. I am also a spiritual Companion/Director and have a special place in my soul for women who are healing and in need of healing from trauma and abuse. I love coffee, quiet reflective prayer time at my kitchen table and long walks to breathe in the Holy Spirit. I would like to learn how to spin yarn and will someday create a spun, hand dyed/painted, beaded, woven fabulous garment of peace!

3 thoughts on “Spiritual Ruminations…looking back

  1. And New Year Blessings to you! I think What will be will be is an apt saying to take with us into the new decade. And after the horror of viewing myself on Zoom, I’m considering brightening up my gray, too.

  2. Good to hear how you’re doing, Nancie. I have not written many blog posts either. I felt like I was in shock for the longest time. Finally I might be coming out of that funk. You are doing well on the spiritual level. Many days I find that difficult and if I do pray, I don’t feel comforted. Best wishes to you. I hope you are able to hug your relatives soon.

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